A Sabbatical Somewhere

Should I?

Will I?

Am I?

Do I?

Is it I?

Among the infinite number of people, why me?

Questions... Seeking Answers...

Best way to do this is to go to Ayala Mall. Walk around amongst the number of people checking out stuff, shopping or just plainly bumming around. While your at it, pretend you are looking for something.

Then, after finding yourself trapped in being lost in the crowd... You tell yourself, I didn't find the answer... when all along you've got it with you already. But, it's just hard to accept.

Remind yourself, by the way, when you go out from Ayala...to buy at least one thing. That would be your best facade.

Catch a cab (if you have a car, I suggest you go to Ayala on a cab) going home. Fill yourself with thought of appreciation that when you get home, everything's going to be alright. All will fall into place.

Then you'll say, why did I have to go to Ayala. I just wasted my time.

And Maybe

And maybe, I've finally fallen. Or it's just another twist of fate.

As a thinking person, I only see black and white. Never a shade of gray. My life for the past years have always been guarded by correct decisions. The thing is that, that correct decision might not be a happy decision. But eventually this would result to peace.

When people think that I am just another weird mind with eccentric thoughts, they failed to see that pensive
looking person infront of them; dying to tell them: "I don't give a damn on whatever you are thinking!". Sometimes, I want to break loose but then I guess it's my fault. And perfect people may think I am, I am not.

I built myself a castle. I happily lived in the castle. I feared an invasion. But I think I've allowed it to happen already. In my so called perfect world, I think I left out a minor glitch or is it just that the foundation needs to be restructured?

My pain. Hope that I'm not putting this castle into ruin. Hope and pray that maybe, now is right.

And then, maybe - it's just a trick of fate. And well, I will live.

Mon Amie Maje

And so I trace you to one call that boring cold Wednesday dawn while I was rummaging on records to play. And you thought you got me. Trick of faith, 'twas the other way around.

Ten years and counting.

For those faithful nights when we played billards with The Professor. Nights when we chose to sit down and drink coffee with the Overrated Barrister and yes, The Professor. When we would push them away because Matt Damon, The Convict, Miyagi and The Cop would comeover to join our caffeine and nicotine enchanted evenings are memories that we would always laugh at.

When I almost killed myself because man can be so vindictive. When I couldn't cry anymore because I lost my dearly beloved father. When I hurt so much, when I laugh so much, when I think like crazy... You continouosly stayed by my side. Believing.

When you get angry and as usual that's an NC for me. When Foo left me. When all the homo sapiens that I thought existed vanished into dust. When everyone else is so happy with their world... You continouosly treated me as a normal being.

When you let me talk the way I talk...When you let me think the way I think... When you understood the way I felt... When you let me cried the way I died...
And seemingly, when no one knew me...you befriended me...

Ten years...A silent friendship... My existential angst, you accepted...

I am not a person of feelings.... And sometimes I could not be vocal... But yes, I would like to thank you for the years you stood by me, Mon Ami.

You are a great woman.... And you will always be cherished...

And so my billards and coffee partner, do good at what you do best... BREATHE... See you next cycle.

What's Got Ice Cream Got To Do with Boring

With one scope of "Doubly Dutsche" Ice Cream my boredome will ease down. Nothing. Just got into my mind. At this moment, I'm not really feeling any hunger inside my calloused stomach.

I feel surreal just writing this. What has art got to do with all of my humanly needs that couldn't be infiltrated by any point of wisdom? Do you understand what I'm saying? Well, I guess you might not.

What is hunger anyways? Is it the time when you feel a need to be fed? Is feeding the only way to ease down hunger? Or what does hunger really mean?

Does hunger mean a lot of things to you? What do you hunger for? Do you hunger for love? Do you hunger for peace? Do you hunger for knowledge?

Hmmph... I don't know. I tasted Ice Cream a few minutes ago. I thought it would ease my boredome. But it did not. What a very disappointing experience.

Dynamically Stupid

How do you explain dynamic stupidity? Is it something that's beyond repair by your own soul? Is this the result of non-sensical choices that we make and affect our life?

Stupidity is something that we need to distuinguish. Is this a common character of human beings? I have yet to succumb to the intellectuality of the subject. I believe the topic is something that is uncalled for.

Sensibility can't even overcome minor mistakes or choices that we made. Thus, subliminically, there's this part of us that we call as the stupid portion in our brains.

How is this so? Because logical thinking is not a common practice of the homo sapiens specially when we want something so bad. Yeah, I've been ludicurously stupid at some points in my life. But why should I care. I'm not alone.

Running After A Ghost @ 12 Past Midnight

10 Glorious Days. 10 Glorious Nights. 10 Amazing years. Still the memories of days gone by are presently mocking you. And, you actually say I am whoever I am by what past have given me. And, so we check again ourselves...

I have nothing against time and space. I have nothing against the illness of the human mind but to claim the glamours of sanity is such a very satiric of facing the illuminating light of today.

And for some reasons I see the face that opened the doorway to this psychological and emotional manifestations towards what common people call destiny. Destino. And we believe it.

The ghosts of younger years at 12 past midnight.

Decisions are Done for Reasons

I know sometimes it is hard to comprehend why things happen especially when it is decided by one person. But whatever it is for there will always be reasons. I guess, the only positive thing that we can do is to actually trust the person's choice since it wouldn't have been that way if there were other things that can be considered.

Respect what you see because that is something that has to be done. Not everything can be tagged as something that can be controlled by you. And if you can not see through various choices and events, then there must be some growing that you need to do.

Embrace growth...Embrace understanding...Then, you will truly appreciate life.

Life's So Complicated

Or is it really??? How much time do I need to flush out of my system the thought that I can't have what I wanted. I'm always at a momentum of seeking realities that could never be mine as much as I wanted them to be.

The feeling of hurt and anquish can't just be released due to the fact that I'm not whole yet. And if someone has the answer, I'm longing to hear it. What is it in me that I just can't let go of things and go with the rapid movement of time flawlessly, joining the forces of nature that allows me to breathe Oxygen.

My blood is red just like anybody's. But my heart never ceases to hurt. And I know when I sound like this, I'm at a point of pondering the inevitable to happen. And again, I ask: What is really inevitable for me?

Questions and always questions. Answers are present but are never accepted. But whatever reason it is, I will not loose the tiniest sanity that I still have. And is there really such a thing as sanity?

Sometimes, I want to be Veronica (Veronica Decides to Die by Paolo Coehlo). I want to be emersed in a world of make believe so that I will not fear the things that I want to do. Because when Veronica died, everything that she feared before was lost in eternity.

And so I sigh...And continue working with my stuff. I smile and continue to feed with people thoughts. I live and for whatever purpose that is. Sad to say...I am still human.

BORA AND MORE BORA

I couldn't believe...T'was just last week but it seems like it was a thousand years ago. Huh!!! I need more of Bora...The Pic would show. And more pics to come.

And so I seize, this opportunity to re-open my blog with a BIG BANG!!!